Working Through the Differences / 難過難過仍捱得過

(按此看中文版)

For the longest time, there’s a well-known curse among us Indonesians at CityU, that we are to be single as long as we are at this school. Yes, it only applies to Indonesians and Indonesians at CityU. However, whether you are single, in a relationship, or whether you are not Indonesian, I think you can definitely learn from Korean residents MYEONG Jinyoung (Residence Tutor, Sir Gordon and Lady Ivy Wu Hall, Year 4, Asian and International Studies) and KIM Dok Rae (Sir Gordon and Lady Ivy Wu Hall, Year 3, Information Management).

The compassionate behaviour of the other was what interested both ends at first. Jinyoung in particular, displayed a lot of affection to Rae when he was the newbie in her circle. And although her friends were not as supportive, Jinyoung was committed to keep the relationship going. Their gradual change from strangers to good friends eventually led to a serious relationship as a romantic duo. Jinyoung, having dated a local, working professional, said that the language barrier caught up with both of them. With Rae, she could express herself way better. Nevertheless, like most couples, their conflicting personalities challenged the relationship in the beginning. In the interview, Jinyoung admitted that she was okay with texting/contacting 3-4 times a week, whereas Rae displayed his need of meeting/contacting her girlfriend everyday.

However, despite their differences, it was evident that both sides made the conscious effort to building a strong, mutual respect. Rae gave the advice that when having troubles in relationships, talking in person is the way to go. No texting, just talk. Jinyoung complemented the advice by saying that while our tendency of reaching out to friends for advice is okay, working things out within themselves has helped them bring the best out of the relationship.

rae-jy2

For those who are single:

Jinyoung: I think it’s better for them (potential couples) to be friends first, because that was what we did.

Rae: You get to see each other in a casual setting first.

Jinyoung: And if he happens to be the right person for her, or vice versa, the relationship will continue.

Rae: It’s nearly impossible to know whether that person is right for you (in the beginning). You have to date for at least one year to get to know him/her.

For those who are looking to building a healthier relationship, or those in a struggling relationship:

Rae: You have to talk everyday. Don’t just talk about your problems through text, you have to see them in person.

Jinyoung: If you have something in your mind, don’t keep it to yourself.

Rae: You’re gonna fight a lot, but if you overcome those difficulties, that person could definitely be the right man/woman for you.

When asked about future plans, the couple revealed their frequent discussion due to Jinyoung’s upcoming graduation and Rae’s enlistment to the military. However, no solid plans have been made.

To end, ResLink would like to thank Jinyoung and Rae for doing this interview and being very open about their relationship. Wish you the best!

Writer:   Dazi CREMONITA
Images:   MYEONG Jinyoung (Sir Gordon and Lady Ivy Wu Hall), KIM Dok Rae (Sir Gordon and Lady Ivy Wu Hall)

~~~

一直以來,我們印尼人註定都打破不了只要一天還在城大,一天都是單身的宿命。無論你是單身與否、印尼人與否,我認為大家也可以從韓籍生明真榮(Jinyoung)胡應湘爵士伉儷堂導師/亞洲及國際學系四年級)金德來(Rae)胡應湘爵士伉儷堂/資訊管理系三年級)身上學習。

德來和真榮最先被對方的真誠善良所吸引,大家都非常欣賞對方有愛心的一面。他們經共同朋友介紹後,由一起閒逛繼而約會,慢慢培養出感情。在戀愛初期,真榮的朋友圈都沒有太看好這段感情,她卻一心堅持與德來走下去。曾經和本地人交往的她,在上一段戀情中因語言障礙而產生了溝通問題。遇到同為韓國人的德來,大家自然同聲同氣。不過,和普通情侶一樣,兩人在性格上的差異確實在戀情剛萌芽時遭遇了不少衝擊和挑戰,例如真榮會認為雙方一星期只聯絡三至四次並無不妥,而德來則希望每天都能見到她。

儘管如此,他們仍努力建立一個親密又互相尊重的關係。德來認為,當關係出現問題,不可以單靠短訊互動,只有與另一半面對面談清楚才可以真正解決問題。真榮更補充到,他們雖然也會尋求朋友們的意見,但最後必須雙方一起解決問題,才有望增進二人的感情。

rae-jy2

給單身朋友的意見:

真榮表示:就如我們一樣,要成為戀人,應該先從朋友開始做起。如果他就是對的人,關係順其自然就會來,反之亦然。」
德來:開始的時候根本不可能知道那個人是不是適合你的人,至少也要一年的時間去真正認識他/她吧。

 

對於希望建立一段健康的關係或正在一段關係中苦苦掙扎的人:

德來:你們需要每天都溝通,千萬別靠發短訊去解決問題,要面對面討論。
真榮:不要把問題藏在心底。
德來:你可能會經常吵架,當問題解決過後你就知道對方是否適合成為你的另一半了。

當我詢問到關於將來的計劃時,真榮表示她快將面對畢業,而德來則要服兵役,似乎仍未有實質的規劃。

《宿生緣》在此感謝真榮和德來接受訪問,並向我們坦誠分享他們的交往經歷。祝好!

文:   Dazi CREMONITA
譯:   黎彥東 (胡應湘爵士伉儷堂)
圖:   明真榮 (胡應湘爵士伉儷堂)、金德來 (胡應湘爵士伉儷堂)

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